How To Tackle Life After A Death
It’s been a fair while, hasn’t it?
I’ve been a bit out of the blogging loop for a while but writing this now has reminded me how much my soul needs to let it out, regardless of who’s listening.
I’m sure you’ll understand the reasons for my absence.
How to tackle life after death, after two close deaths?
Let’s just say difficult is a bit of an understatement. Deaths on both sides of the family have meant torn loyalties and trying to be in two places at once – quite unsuccessfully and slightly at the risk of my PhD.
And so, here’s the way I’ve reframing.
Phase 1: The Initial Grief
As much as you appreciate visits from friends and family, it gets tiring to experience the same emotions repeatedly. You long for people to tell you about their drama rather than have to talk about your own sense of loss. Yet, frustratingly, you want to talk about your own grief because there’s nothing else that occupies your mind.
Phase 2: The Quiet, Lonely Grief
But then there comes the next phase, the phase where people have already carried on with life. And you’re not quite ready to.
“Hang, on – I’m still grieving. “
A close friend, who also lost her Grandma earlier this year, sent us a card for exactly this phase, to show her support in the quieter time, which she felt was even more difficult than the initial period and often went by in a blur.
The Questions I’m still asking:
Where did you go?
It wasn’t your time to go; I keep setting the place or booking a table of 5 instead of 4.
How are we meant to carry on without you?
There are so many events you were meant to be there for.
I can’t imagine you not being there for.
There were so many things I was meant to ask your advice on.
And so onto the next phase:
Phase 3: Tackling Life
Enough niceties, your compassionate leave is over.
Back to work and back to tackling life.
I first found The Daily Love (now, MastinKipp.com) around 5 years ago. As a self-help junkie from a young age, I enjoyed learning a lot about our egos and insecurities from each of Mastin’s blog posts.
One guest post by author and spiritual counsellor Christine Hassler has always been etched in my memory.
It was titled: ‘how to get over the one you thought was ‘the one’ where she talks about how her client is dealing with a break-up that she thought was with ‘the one’.
When asked ‘Why does a relationship that feels so right end?’
‘They brought out the best in me!’”
- Because they’ve opened up your eyes to how you can be
- – but now, it’s your duty to keep it going.
It seems in many of my posts I come back to Namaste. But it’s justified.
my soul recognizes your soul, I honour the light, love, beauty, truth, kindness within you because it is also within me, in sharing these things there is no distance and no difference between us, we are the same, we are one.
Each person we encounter holds a lesson, they are here to teach us something about ourselves: where we hold judgments, have unresolved issues but also to show us, as Christine do beautifully puts it:
‘what is so amazing about ourselves we are not acknowledging, owning and experiencing’.
Now more than ever, I am being reminded to:
Be the change I wish to see (& Namaste).
That’s what everyone has been saying post-elections in 2016.
A huge proportion of people, myself included, have lost a lot of faith this year:
in politics, in people and at times, life.
Yet we still see people wanting to see past the pettiness, the inequality and make a difference by channeling the can-do attitude.
And so it is time:
-to step up to the mark; to tackle life head on now.
-to channel every quality that inspired such love and respect for my grandparents in order
-to be the person that they would be proud of.
So whether it is a break-up of a friendship, a relationship or death that you’re experiencing,
What qualities can you channel to keep the best of that person’s spirit alive in your life today?
Until the next time, let’s be friends here:
Namaste, from Ananya